The Bald Brothers
Mediocre Melodies
Our Original Tunes
All 19 songs from our two albums!
Click on each song for lyrics:
Jealous
Jealous
Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
I shaved a man’s head the other day
If you ask me why, I'd have to say
I was jealous… Jealous
He had so much hair, what does he need it for
I have none, I could use some more
I was jealous… Jealous
Now Jealousy is not a good thing
But I was sitting there and he was flashin' his mane
I was jealous… Jealous
You’d probably be just as jealous as me
To someone flaunting assets follicly
For anyone who says that I’m insane
Try living the bald life... just for a day
You'd be Jealous
He has so much hair, what does he use it for
He was flippin’ his curls when he entered the door
I was jealous… Jealous
When I had hair, I just combed it down
I never made a scene, kept on the low down
I'm Jealous… Jealous and disgusted
I have nothing against the follicly endowed
Unless they arrogantly expose their hairy crowns
Then I’m jealous… Jealous and vengeful
You’d probably be just as jealous as me
To someone flaunting assets follicly
For anyone who says that I’m insane
Try living the bald life... just for a day
You'd be Jealous
So, I shaved a man’s hair the other day
I ran very fast and I got away
Jealous… Jealous
Now if you see me on the street
'm warning you, keep your hair outta my face
Or there’ll be Trouble… Trouble… Buzzzzz
If the police ever catch me, I’ll just say:
“It Wasn't Me, it was the Other Bald Guy!”
Cause I'll bet he's also Jealous
Jealous... Jealous... Jealous...
Bob Left the Bald Brothers
Bob Left the Bald Brothers (Because His Hair Grew Back)
Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
Well, we’re the Bald Brothers... there’s only two
Used to be three Bald Brothers... here’s a story for you
Well, Bob was the third Bald Brother, he even sang better than us
He hit all the notes; we used to do some nice three-part harmonies together
Yeah, Bob was another Bald Brother
But we kicked Bob out of the Bald Brothers, when his hair started growing back!
Yeah, we kicked Bob out of the Bald Brothers, when his hair started growing back!
You see, Bob, he wasn’t happy being bald... so he went to the doctor
He said “Doctor, how can I get rid of this baldness?”
And the doctor said, “Why don’t you try this hair tonic stuff?”
It seemed to work on Bob; so Bob got some thick hair
He came to Practice, and we said “You can’t be a Bald Brother, if your hair came back!”
So, we kicked Bob out of the Bald Brothers, when his hair was growin' back
Now there’s just two Bald Brothers, mediocre as can be
Sometimes we don’t hit all the notes; and we can’t do three-part harmony
But, we have our standards, not just anybody can join us
You gotta be bald as a melon to be in this band
So, if you think you’re gonna grow your hair back; we won’t tolerate that
Well, Bob was one of the Bald Brothers, but we kicked him out of the band,
Well, we kicked Bob out of the Bald Brothers, when his hair started growing back!
Follicly Challenged
Follicly Challenged
Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
Why was I born with so much hair
It's a dirty trick the gods played on me
Why was I born with so much hair
The hairiest baby in the nursery
Had my first haircut when I was three
I had more hair than the barber'd ever seen
When I was thirteen at my junior prom
My date was envious, her hair was not as long
From overly hairy to follicly challenged
I went from hope to despair
From overly hairy to follicly challenged
Sometimes life doesn't seem fair
Why was I born with so much hair
It's a dirty trick the gods played on me
I was in college, trying to date a lot
I needed my hair but then it was not
When I got married and had my own kids
My hair started falling out faster than it ever did
Now I'm an old bald man at sixty three
I've had a good life except follicly
From overly hairy to follicly challenged
I went from hope to despair
From overly hairy to follicly challenged
Sometimes life doesn't seem fair
From overly hairy to follicly challenged
I went from hope to despair
From overly hairy to follicly challenged
Sometimes life doesn't seem fair
Sometimes life just isn't fair
Deal with the Devil
Made a Deal with the Devil
Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
Made a deal with the Devil
I'm not proud but it's true
Cause I was bald as a melon
And he promised hair back full
He said all that he wanted was
My soul when life was through
I never needed my soul before
So why should I worry?
There's no need to worry!
Made a deal with the Devil
And now I sure regret it
Made a deal with the Devil
How I wish that he'd forget it
Thought it was what I wanted
But it's not what I wanted
I never needed hair before
Please just take it all away
Take all my hair, take it away
This hair is not so great
It keeps on getting wet
Blows around in the wind
It's making me upset
Being bald wasn't bad
Must've been under a spell
And now I’m gonna burn in Hell
Now I’m gonna burn in Hell!
Made a bad deal with the Devil
But I didn't know the score
If I knew I'd be goin' to Hell
I woulda asked for more
I coulda been a whole lot taller
Coulda been a gigolo
Why did I accept so little?
I'm starting to worry!
Should I start to worry?
Made a deal with the Devil
I wish it wasn't true
Cause I was bald as a melon
And now I don't know what to do
He said all that he wanted was
My soul when life was through
I never needed my soul before
I'm starting to worry!
Now's the time to worry!
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
A deal's a deal, you can't back out
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
You understood what this was about
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Your soul is mine, there's no turning back
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
By the way... hair burns... imagine that! Hahahaha!
Made a deal with the Devil
Only the Hairy Go to Heaven
Only the Hairy Go to Heaven
Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
I feel so sad and lonely
Redemption may never be found
While I can see the sky above me
I can’t see beyond the clouds
And so I’ve come to wonderin'
If someone's watching way up there
Would I be closer to Heaven
If I had a full head of hair?
Heaven knows I’m waiting for a sign
But maybe I’m just wasting my time
It's a sad thought and it would be a crime
If only the hairy go to Heaven
The light from my head might obscure me
From being seen from high above
It may be easy to overlook me
And that’s what I’m afraid of
Heaven knows I’m waiting for a sign
But maybe I’m just wasting my time
It's a sad thought and it would be a crime
If only the hairy go to Heaven
I feel so sad and lonely
Redemption may never be found
While I can see the sky above me
I can’t see beyond the clouds
And so I’ve come to wonderin'
If someone's watching way up there
Would I be closer to Heaven
If I had a full head of hair?
Would I be closer to Heaven
If I had a full head of hair?
Me and My Cap
Me and My Cap
Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
Me and my cap
We’re very close, so very close
Me and my cap
Cause no one knows, no, no one knows
The secret hidden there
Is that my head is totally bare
And that is why I always wear
My lovely knitted cap
Every morning I don my chapeau
I have a nice selection for anywhere I go - oh
I never tip my cap
Cause that would give it all away
One look and that is that
Everyone would point and say
Your life has been a lie
And it's so sad you had to try
Try so hard to hide
Under that little cap
It's me and my cap each and every day
Keeps me in the game at work or play - ay
My little Cap
Best bud that there's ever been
Me and my cap
Been together through thick now thin
He is my closest friend
And I know that I can depend
To help conceal what's all too real
Under that little cap
I pray to the gods each and every day
The wind doesn't blow my best friend away - ay
Me and my cap
We’re very close, so very close
Me and my cap
Cause no one knows, no, no one knows
The secret hidden there
Is that my head is totally bare
And that is why I always wear
My lovely little cap
My lovely knitted cap
I love... my little cap
Lament of the Crabby Bald Man
Lament of the Crabby Bald Man
Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
People call me mean
Maybe you’d be mean as well
If all your hair was gone
And you were bald as Hell
I once was a nice young man
When I had flowing locks
Now I’m just a crabby bald guy
Who’s lost his boyish looks
He’s just a crabby old bald man
Who lost his boyish looks
He’s just a crabby old bald man
Who lost his boyish looks
I used to get the girls
They’d run their fingers through my hair
Now I just get scowls
And jokes about my head so bare
So, maybe you can see
Why I’ve become so mean
So don’t try to mess with me
Or you’ll be very very sorry
Now I’m just a crabby bald guy
Who’s lost his boyish looks
He’s just a crabby old bald man
Who lost his boyish looks
He’s just a crabby old bald man
Who lost his boyish looks
People say I’m mean
And that perhaps I’ve lost my mind
Just because I yelled at the woman
In front of me in the grocery line
But she had to pay by check
It’s two thousand twenty four
The line was very long
I was right and she was wrong
People say I’m mean
Just because I told the waiter
To send my cold soup back
Because I wanted it to be hotter
If I was a handsome man with hair
No one would complain
But because I’m old and bald
They all say I’m mean and I’m insane
He’s just a crabby old bald man
Who lost his boyish looks
He’s just a crabby old bald man
Who lost his boyish looks
He’s just a crabby old bald man
Who lost his boyish looks
He’s just a crabby old bald man
Who lost all of his looks
No I’m Not!
Ahh, screw all of you!
Baldville, USA
Baldville USA
Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
A hair razing adventure took place in these parts
With barbers all lined up, their razors shootin' sparks
And every man and woman came out that faithful day
Cause they were very proud to live in Baldville USA
Baldville USA, Baldville USA
They were very proud to live in Baldville USA
Baldville USA, Baldville USA
They were very proud to live in Baldville USA
Now I guess you're wonderin' how this all came to be
Why each and every citizen would choose so happily
To lose all of their locks and let their bald heads shine
Well, it had to do with pride and I was the first in line
Baldville USA, Baldville USA
They were very proud to live in Baldville USA
Baldville USA, Baldville USA
They were very proud to live in Baldville USA
Baldville USA sure lived up to its name
Baldville USA, the town did proclaim
That every head was beautiful, every head should be seen
And Baldville USA sure practiced what it preached
Baldville USA, Baldville USA
They were very proud to live in Baldville USA
Baldville USA, Baldville USA
They were very proud to live in Baldville USA
My cousin came to visit, didn’t know the policy
They grabbed him at the border and shaved his head clean
All heads are beautiful in Baldville USA
But if you want to keep your hair, you'd better stay away
Baldville USA, Baldville USA
They were very proud to live in Baldville USA
Baldville USA, Baldville USA
They were very proud to live in Baldville USA
Baldville USA, Baldville USA
They were very proud to live in Baldville USA
Baldville USA, Baldville USA
They were very proud to live in Baldville USA
Bald and Heart Broken
Bald and Heart Broken
Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
Oh, being bald
Wasn’t so bad at all
Oh, my life was fine 'til I met you
Then we fell in love
It was the best time in my life
I was so in love with you
Then you left me for that man
With the pony tail
BALD and lonely BALD
BALD and heart broken... BALD
Now being bald
Is the worst thing in the world
Cause every time that I see hair
I think of you
Oh, being bald
It’s the worst thing in the world
Cause it made me lose you
And I loved you so
BALD and lonely BALD
BALD and heart broken... BALD
Being bald
It’s the worst thing in the world
Because I lost my best girl
And now I'm alone
Scat singing
Bald
Happy and Bald
Happy and Bald
Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
Happy and Bald, I’m bald and happy
No one can stop me from feelin’ free
Happy and Bald, bald and happy
No one can stop me from bein’ free
No one can take away my dignity
When I was a young boy my daddy said to me
When you grow up you’re gonna be bald just like me
My dad was bald, but he was happy
I learned from him to be proud of me
Now I’m Happy and Bald, bald and happy
No one can stop me from bein’ me
Having no hair just sets me free
Now that I’m old, I tell my own children
If you keep your hair it’s no thanks to me (But good for you)
But if you lose your hair, you can still be happy
Don’t let anyone take your dignity
Take pride in yourself and you’ll be free
Happy and Bald, I’m bald and happy
No one can stop me from bein’ me
Happy and Bald, bald and happy
No one can stop me from bein’ free
They can't take away my dignity
If you’re feeling bald and insecure
Remember these words I say to you
No one can take away your self-esteem
No one can take your dignity
No one can stop you from feelin’ free
You’ll be Happy and Bald, bald and happy
No one can stop us from bein’ free
I'm Happy and Bald, I'm bald and happy
No one can ever stop me from bein’ me
The Day I Lost You
The Day I Lost You
Copyright 2026 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
You told me that you loved me
And I believed that it was true
You said you’d never leave me
I thought it was forever, just me and you
We made such beautiful music together
I thought it would never end
But one day you came and told me
You had found another music man
The man with the big Kazoo
He made me lose you
The man with the big Kazoo
Swooped in and made me lose you
When he came to town you started hanging 'round
With that man with the big Kazoo
Once he let you blow it
I knew that you and I were through
Now you’re making beautiful music together
and I’m all alone
Playin’ with my little blue Kazoo, yeah
I guess I can’t blame you
The man with the big Kazoo
He made me lose you
The man with the big Kazoo
Swooped in and made me lose you
I couldn't compete with that shiny, new Kazoo
It was so big, and he used it to steal you
The man with the big Kazoo
Now you’re in his band and we are through
I hate my little blue Kazoo
Cause it made me lose you
I said I loved you, you said you loved me too,
Then that music man came to town
And that was The Day I Lost You
To the man with the big Kazoo
To the man with the big Kazoo
To the man with the big Kazoo
To the man with the big Kazoo
She Threw My Guitar Out the Window
She Threw My Guitar Out the Window
Copyright 2026 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
I lied and I told her
“I never look at other girls”
Maybe she knew I was lying
Because her blood began to boil
I told her that I loved her
She said “How could that be true?”
I said “When I’m with you
I hardly think of anyone new” (She didn’t like that, so)
She threw my guitar out the window
I heard it smash as it hit the ground
Then I wound up out that window
I’m glad it was only two floors down
Oh she threw my guitar out the window
Cause she thought I looked at another girl
What will she do if she discovers
I’m engaged to three other girls
I hope she never finds out
About Jane and Jen and Sue
I hope she never finds out
About Sarah, Sally and Betty Lou
Well, she threw my guitar out the window
I think that was rather mean
Oh I’m really such a nice guy
I can’t help it if all the girls want me!
When she threw me out that window
My ring finger got broke
How will I explain to Janis
That I can’t put on a wedding ring?
Oh, I may have forgotten to mention
That I’m getting married next week
If she found out she might run me down
With her big truck without a blink
It’s really not my fault
That all those girls love me
I just can’t help it
That I’m so cute and bald and sweet
She threw my guitar out the window
Oh, there was fire in her eyes
I knew right then and right there
She might be the Devil in disguise
Because it couldn’t be my fault
Run Grandpa Run
Run, Grandpa, Run
Copyright 2026 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
It started out as just an innocent game
With Grandpa and the Widow at the mall
Just a kiss, maybe more, some folks say
You can blame it all on alcohol
Though that spark never turned into a flame
The story just spread like wild fire
Grandpa was enjoyin' this dangerous game
Not thinking 'bout the wrath it would inspire
Run, Grandpa, run... Grandma’s got a gun
And she sure ain’t aiming to please
Run, Grandpa, run...‘Cause she knows what you done
And her target’s ‘bout a foot above the knees
Every self righteous nosey old biddy
Pointed bony fingers, squealin' with glee
Jaws workin' overtime in that gossipy city
Tellin' Grandma 'bout the evil they'd all seen
Oh run, Grandpa, run... Your nightmare’s just begun
The lipstick on your cheek says you’re a liar
Run, Grandpa, run... You had a hot day in the sun
And now you're surprised it caused a fire
Grandpa said the woman had bewitched him
It was all the fault of that Jezebel
Knew it sounded like a lie but he had to try
Cause he was just one step away from Hell
Though things have been quiet for a while
Grandma's been diggin' one granddaddy of a hole
Workin' hard but wearin' a stony smile
Seems strange to me if you wanna know
Run, Grandpa, run... Your lie can't be unspun
Grandma won't listen to your pleas
Run, Grandpa, run... Grandma's digging's almost done
She says she's fixin' to plant a tree
But Grandpa, as far as I can see
That hole's about your size, it looks to me
Rich Old Woman
Rich Old Woman
Copyright 2026 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
I need a rich old woman to fall in love with me
I need an old lady who’s got lots of money
I’m gonna schmooze her, you wait and see
I need a rich old woman to fall in love with me
I need a rich old woman to fall in love with me
‘Cause I just don't wanna work, you see
But I want to live my days in luxury
So I need a rich old babe to fall in love with me
I ain’t got no pension no prospects too
I need some money gonna get it from you, yeah
I need a rich old woman to fall in love with me
She must be old but doesn’t need to be pretty
Don’t care what she looks like, as long as she’s 83
I got my future to think about, not hers, you see
I need a rich old woman to fall in love with me
What do you got to lose baby? Can't you see
That no man will want you when you're 93?
So I want a rich old woman to fall in love with me
I ain’t got no pension, no 401K
I don’t have to mention that I wanna live better than today
I need a rich old woman to fall in love with me
She'll give me her money then say goodbye quickly
Up to the Pearly Gates she will fly
So I can get on with my life
Rich old woman
No pension baby, I hope you have a trust fund
Oh, baby baby, I’ll let you have some fun ( for a year or two )
I need a rich old woman, doo bee doo bee dee
Boo doo ba dah dah ba dah dah dee
Wanna live the rest of my days in luxury
So I need a rich old woman... to fall in love with me, oh yeah
Rich old woman, Rich old woman, Rich old woman... Give Me Your Money!
Retirement Anthem
Retirement Anthem
Copyright 2026 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
I wanna retire, before I expire
I wanna retire before it’s too late
Gonna retire, before I expire
Don't think it's wise to hesitate
My boss O’Dwyer was not a survivor
He shoulda retired long ago
Gonna aspire to relax when I retire
Don’t wanna work anymore
Light a fire, under yourself
And join me in retirement, before we all expire
Gonna retire, before I expire
That’s required in my long term plan
Don't wanna stay stuck in this muck and mire
Forty years of being a workin' man
Gonna retire, before I expire
Don’t wanna be hired by nobody else
When I retire, my daily attire
Will only be T-shirts and jeans
Light a fire, under yourself
And join me in retirement, before we all expire
You can retire yourself
Don’t wait too long, or you'll be gone
Better retire, before you expire
We should all aspire to this goal
He’s gonna retire, before he expires
You should do the same thing too!
Let’s not expire, before we retire
People will admire our tenacity
Everyone light a fire, under yourself
And join me in retirement, before we all expire
I wanna retire, before I expire
go-to font for titles, paragraphs & more.
My Ukulele Hell
My Ukulele Hell
Copyright 2026 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
I started with just one, thought it might be fun to play
I loved that little Uke so much I played it every day
Then a devil on my shoulder said one's not enough for me
So I bought a dozen more on a crazy spending spree
I got one in bright purple and at least two in red
One is like a rainbow, there's a blue one by my bed
Every shape you can imagine, and a banjolele too
I strum away the day 'til my fingers are black and blue
There are Ukes on my table, Ukes on the floor
Ukes in my bathtub and I'm still buying more
Soprano, concert, tenor, and baritones as well
There’s nowhere left for me, it's my ukulele hell
My friends all tell me “You don't need any more”
I just ignore them on my way to the music store
I know I have a problem but I don't really care
If there’s a uke for sale, I'll be the first one there
There are Ukes on my table, Ukes on the floor
Ukes in my closet and I'm still buying more
Soprano, concert, tenor, and baritones as well
There’s nowhere left for me, it's my ukulele hell
Strings like barbed wire are hanging everywhere
Boxes and cases are blocking all the stairs
My doorbell plays a nice Hawaiian melody
My poor cat ran away 'cause he thought I went crazy
So if you got one you don't like or need
Just send it my way, I’ll take it happily
My dream became a nightmare at least to some degree
Sorry I gotta run, there’s another one calling me
There are Ukes on my table, Ukes on the floor
Ukes in the hallway and I'm still buying more
Soprano, concert, tenor, and baritones as well
There’s nowhere left for me, it's my ukulele hell
There’s nowhere left for me, it's my ukulele hell
There’s nowhere left for me...
Maybe it's time to sell?
I Like Wine
I Like Wine
Copyright 2026 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
I like wine, I like food
All I do is eat and drink since I was left by you
I love wine, I love food
But most of all I was in love with you
So I drank wine, and I ate food
That made me feel better, for a little while at least
Since you left me, I just cry all day
Don’t know what to do, don’t know what to say
I like wine, I like food
I've just been sittin’ here getting' drunk and fat since I don’t have you
Since you left me, I’ve been blue
Trying to fill this hole in my heart with booze and food
I love wine, I love food
But I loved you more, what am I gonna do?
Since you left me, I just cry all day
Don’t know what to do, don’t know what to say
Now wine, wine, wine, doesn’t do
Can't drink enough to forget about you
Food, food, food, that’s no good too
All I feel is full, but still empty without you
All that wine, wine, wine, all that food
It ain’t nothing without you
Since you left me, I just cry all day
Don’t know what to do, don’t know what to say
He drinks wine, he eats food
Since you've been gone that's all he'll do
He drinks wine, wine, wine, he eats food
Now he's drunk and fat and missing you
He drinks wine, he eats food
Since you've been gone that's all he'll do
He drinks wine, wine, wine, he eats food
Now he's drunk and fat and missing you
Bald People are Just like You
Bald People Are Just Like You
Copyright 2026 Tom Lombardi and S. J. Armato
Hello boys and girls, today we’re going to teach
you about bald people, and how you shouldn’t be
afraid of them or discriminate against them,
because that’s not nice!
Bald People are Just like You
Bald People are Just like You
Oh they can brush their teeth, and tie their shoes
They have friends with hair, and they play kazoos
Bald People are Just like You
Bald People are Just like You
They can run and jump and laugh and play
They can swim and skate and fish every day
Bald People are Just like You
Bald People are Just like You
Well they can ski and laugh and sing with you
They can play video games and eat pizza too
Bald People are Just like You
Bald People are Just like You
They can play guitars and ukuleles with you
They can play the drums and the cowbell too
Bald People are Just like You
Bald People are Just like You
Well they can’t brush their hair ‘cause it just isn’t there
But that’s no reason for you to be scared
Bald People are Just like You
Bald People are Just like You
They can play Pickleball and even eat a meatball
They can go to a show, and sometimes they run really slow
Bald People are Just like You
Bald People are Just like You
Sometimes they cry and get real sad
‘Cause they don’t have hair, but hey that’s not so bad
Bald People are Just like You
Bald People are Just like You
When you see a bald man walkin’ down the street
Just give him a smile and try not to be mean
‘Cause Bald people are just like you
Bald People…. are just like you!
Bonus Track: Balding
{All other Bald Brothers songs are ORIGINALS. This song has original Bald Brothers lyrics, set to the tune of "Dinah" from 1925.}
Balding Inspired by the classic song “Dinah”
New Lyrics Copyright 2024 Tom Lombardi
Balding, every day I am balding, and it is so appalling
If there’s anything worse ma’am, show it to me
Balding, every day I am balding
How I just sit and gaze at the hairs that fell off me
Every night, why do I, shake with fright?
Because my hair just might fall out while I sleep
Bald Me, I have tried every recipe
Tried every balm that you gave me, to bring hair back to me
Balding, every day I am balding, and it is so appalling
If there’s anything worse ma’am, show it to me
Balding, every day I am balding
And it's just so depressing thinkin' how bald I'll be
Every night, why do I, shake with fright
Because my hair just might fall out while I sleep
Bald Me, I have tried every recipe
Tried every balm that you gave me, to bring hair back to me
Bald me